On All Fours

Went to the local country store this afternoon to get my chocolate fix. My neighbour's girlfriend was working. She told me how her man had gotten up earlier than her a few days ago and had gone out for a walk. This is not unusual as his 60 year old brother passed away from a heart attack last year so physical exercise is a definite good thing to do for someone with genes that spell heart attack.

When she got up that morning, she looked outside and was shocked to see her man down on all fours on the ice on the frozen lake. To this situation my female neighbour who doesn’t mince words says, “God damn it, I’ve got to f.......... pee”.

She tells me this right there in the store. I am a little shocked at her language. Then she says, “So I go for a pee and come back and he is still right there on his knees. So I go out onto the deck and see 2 wolves looking at him. A black one and a grey one. So I start yelling at the wolves to f.....k off. And they take off. And then Ron, (her boyfriend) starts yelling at me because he is down on his knees to entice them closer to him so that I can get a photo of him together with the wolves. So I yell back at him, telling him that he is a stupid son of a bitch, and next time I am going to wait until they are eating him and then I will make sure I get a f......ing good picture. ”

I am holding my gut laughing my head off in the store now. Her new east Indian boss is standing behind the counter watching and listening in, and making casual jokes about how her boyfriend is Dancing with Wolves. The language does not seem to have phased him. I am guessing that he figures that kind of talk to be just be the normal Canadian grammar. Gotta love this livin here in the country stuff. Then she says, “ I was brought up in the country and I'm used to wolves but you shoulda seen the black one. He was really good looking. “ I walked out with a big smile on my face eating that chocolate bar let me tell you.